Autopilot Mode

Did you know 5 months = 20 weeks? I dont really know why I agree to have this long ass break as a torture for myself? I mean I know but this is so so long and today is only been a week which means I have another 19 weeks to go. Then guess what??? We just agree to talk in June that just means there's no actual date and this just sucks!!

I've decided to go on Autopilot Mode like a robot which what I've been doing for the past week. I am in this numb period. I'd been working non-stop and keep myself so busy so I dont have a split second to think about what's going on...cause once I think about it then I collapse and started crying non-stop. Cupcake had been really stressed and I wish I could be a better friend to comfort or give some advise but then I am stuck with words. Then I realize I can't give out much of care and love when I can't even handle my own issue. And that leads to a realization that E. Bass need to do the same.

Right now I just know I have shit load of works and these workloads are waiting for me to deal with it. I am not going to quit on myself so the only way is to stick to it. Never gonna be a quitter and I just wanna make it to the final line. Not sure if I am gonna be the Champion but I have to at least make it to the final line. Autopilot Mode cause I just have to!

Have you ever?

Have you ever at a point of your life that you completely lost and you think you made all the mistakes in your life? I had the exact feeling this morning when I woke up. Not to mention that I just had a panic attack due to multiple stress. I really had an emotional weekend which wasn't really my type of weekend. For the past years, I want my life to be nothing but SANE so I dont really like the whole emotion rollercoaster bull shit.

But then I got it this previous weekend. All the symptoms show: short of breathe, barely movable, nearly faint, limping, throwing up. It's just bad! I think I scared E. Bass alot! Sorry, baby! So here comes the ultimate question- What triggers it? What happened?
Overwhelming STRESS. From what? work is really stressed, our relationship is tense and mostly due to my responses. Then we decided to take a long break, which hopefully will be beneficial for both of us.

I know we both need the time to manage ourselves, I just chose the extreme way to deal with it but it doesn't mean it's the end. I think we both should stop using other people's standards to measure what's between us, especially me. I got this inspiration email from nana the other day, I am so amazed how mature this email thread is. So I decided to steal it so I can use it for my momentum！

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar. Well I can only promise the first part
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5 . Make time to pray. Yes meditation is also important
6. Play more games. Baby laughed at me for not knowing how to play monopoly
7. Read more books than you did in 2009. That I can definitely conquer!
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others . You have no idea what their journey is all about. True
12. Don't have negative thoughts for things you cannot control . Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. Very True
13. Don't over do, keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. Learning
15. Don't waste your precious energy on people that put you down and gossip
16 . Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time . You already have all you need. True
18. Forget issues of the past . Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. Learning
19. Life is too short to waste time hating or being angry at anyone . Don't hate others and be angry Nod Nod
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more .
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often. I think this should be less.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything. Learning
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6 .
29. Try to make at least two people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business. Learning
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. Very TRUE! Sorry baby but you are the best!

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. DOing it
34. GOD heals everything. Time heals too.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change ..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. DOing it cause showing up is already half the success
37. The best is yet to come .. is COMING
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

I am me, I am Ariel!

Gift Exchange~

Me and E.Bass finally did the long over-due Xmas Gift exchange. I felt really bad that he didn't like the scarf too much so I decided to give him something else which I find it very appropriate for him to have...Jessica seems to agree so as well...However, I finally get to have my Christmas present. :)

It's not meant to be

Sometimes, lots of clients who come to inquire about my service but it doesn't seem that we can click at some point. I always believe theres a connection between people that bonds the individuals. Some clients are just in the right channel and it leads to really smooth working flow. Some clients can't click with you in the beginning but then they became your good friends for life and they constantly thought about you and want to include you with any business opportunity.

I really think chemistry plays a huge role in this field. First it's gotta be chemistry, then of course it's endless effort and work. I always believe that hard work pays off in the end. so I always work hard to fulfill my standard and my standards are high. Recently alot of my clients well, potential ones came to me and ask for quotes. They think I am too expensive, but I just simply think I deserve my price.

China people, please wake up!! :P

2010, r u ready for me?

My 2009 wasn't bad at all consider how my 2008 was!! But my 2010 has begun really depressing...like really depressing thanks to my dad...I know he's all getting old and really worries about my and the entire family's future. But I really just wanna set my 2010 to be as positive as possible! However, dear daddy just wont leave me alone. He had this long chat about he's really concern about how i handle my business and how he does not want to be my ATM machine forever.

I agree with him most of the part and at some point, I just wanna quit and start a 9-5 working job. Then, my stubborn self tells me that I shouldn't be a quitter. I should prolong what I started and finished it. My dad told me that I didn't give myself a back up plan which I agree but I'm just lost!! I hate being indecisive but I also know that I can't just give up everything! This year will be the key year for me. I really have to give it all and give it a last shot.

I decide I am going to do things differently and quiet opposite of what I would normally do. If I can not reach my goal this year, maybe I would really consider giving it up. I have this feeling that 2010 is ready for me but I am not ready for 2010 yet...I am not going to think about anything during my Korea Trip then I am off to reality land.

Maybe I will be ready for 2010 by then....